The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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