i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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