Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
