I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I came so hard my ears popped.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
