I bet he comes in French.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
