I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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