So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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