I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
