my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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