He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
