this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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