i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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