just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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