Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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