worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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