I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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