You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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