Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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