Having a random hookup so left but love u
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
