There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
