Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
