You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i think my cat just said my name.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
