I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
