I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
