Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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