Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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