Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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