Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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