Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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