why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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