So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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