what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she looked like the before picture.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize
