I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
