chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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