My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
