I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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