She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
