You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
