Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
