apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm at about main and main street
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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