eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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