ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
