I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize