the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
