ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
