i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
