so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
