Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
