she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
