Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it glows. i had to have it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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