he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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