O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
