and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
