I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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