You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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