whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You made out with two different species that night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
