if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and she was petting her beer can
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
