I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
