Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Holy sore nipples Batman
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
