I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
