I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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