Small penises have feelings too.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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