there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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