I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
