I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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