Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
