after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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