Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
