my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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