Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
